I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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