I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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