I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
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