The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
