I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
