I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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