My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Even my vagina gasped.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
