Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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