No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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