oh god the rape fog is back!
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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