so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
