After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
