True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
