it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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