He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
