once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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