I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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