Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is an emotional support booty call
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize