I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
