I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You are the jesus of drinking
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
