You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
