"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize