I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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