Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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