he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
