The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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