that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
