Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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