I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
