Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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