I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
