I seem to have left my pride at pride
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
