she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
