Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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