Non-Jews are for practice
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
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