I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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