You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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