You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
