my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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