she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
