The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
