I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
