Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
