I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
where are you?
Hypothermia
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
