Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
