There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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