I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
