Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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