If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
