Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
i think i just lost a toe
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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