she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
