Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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