i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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