And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
