Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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