we made out on top of his cat.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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