so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
