My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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