When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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