I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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