I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
