I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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