either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
