I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
