I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
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In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
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He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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