You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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