dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
