On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
