Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize